Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Teenagers

Living with teenagers is a pretty good method of contraception. Not only do they stay up late, bug you whenever you might possibly be in the midst of a romantic moment, pull faces if they see you being smoochey, their emotional rollercoaster is bound to make you think twice about multiplying the human race.

Unfortunately by the time you’re living with teenagers it is well and truly too late to do a lot about it. Perhaps the answer is to make it compulsory for every couple to spend a month with two teenagers before making the decision to have a baby. Babies are the easy part, sure they cry and have dirty nappies that can make a nuclear meltdown look pleasant, but they are utterly adorable and totally cute. They smile their gummy smiles and even the most sleep deprived feel an extra boost from somewhere. Teenagers do not evoke cuteness. There is little that is cute about a teenager. They may be interesting, challenging and good fun (when they want to be) but they are also a whole parcel of contradictions.

The worst thing about teenagers is their ability to recall every word of every conversation you’ve had with them. They will sniff out discrepancies like they were two week high kippers. They will use everything against you and you have no weapons that will effectively deal with this, unless you are also able to record all conversations so you can be 100% certain about what you actually did say. Not likely since pregnancy, childcare and constant erosion of the brain cells will have diminished your memory to a quivering mess.

Please be kind and save a teenager, make their frazzled parents a strong drink and offer a large sponge to soak up their tears of frustration, know that you are doing a huge service to mankind as you prevent a murder. Remind the parents to hang on in there, like infanthood time is short and it will pass and the teenagers will emerge as butterflies from cocoons to take their place in the greater world and perpetuate the cycle of life.

16 comments:

Alison Gibbs said...

Babies definitely are the easy part. The bigger they get the bigger the problems become
Gotta love them though
Alison

Mr Puffy's Knitting Blog: said...

You make me laugh Ally! Hang in there. They say a woman's self esteem will rise by 15% when the nest is empty.... because no matter who you are children are hard on one's self image :)

Keep envisioning those butterflies.

Willow said...

Teenagehood is the second phase of The Terrible Twos. Poor you. I'm so sorry. And you have HOW MANY of them in your house right now? Once upon a time in the distant past I had FOUR teenagers living under my roof. I'd offer you lots of advice on the successful feeding and care of annoying teenagers, but frankly, I've blocked all those memories.

Josie said...

brilliant and so true!
Josie x

t does wool said...

oooh...teenagers...
each level has it's own problems,
hang in there Ally ;))

A Spoonful Of Sugar said...

Funny but oh so true! In a few short weeks I will have two teenagers in my home! Wish me luck.

Linda said...

Gosh, that sounds too hard! Best of luck. I have it all to come!

Elizabeth said...

I have two and i definitely wish i could have frozen their growth when they were wee.
I remember being in line at the grocery store and I had my son standing beside me, maybe 5 years old and his two year old sister in a stroller and they were being cooed over. A fellow behind me smiled at them, shaking his head.
"You just wait." he told me."They're so darned cute in their little Osh Kosh overalls (a popular brand at the time) but you just wait!"

Renee said...

Empty nester syndrom follows the 'parent of a teen' years. So I'm told... lol Could be why most people celebrate it so?

Chocolate, I highly recommend chocolate. It's an acceptable parenting balm. For you, not them. Better yet, can you get away on a vacation sans teenagers???

Jennie said...

oh how I loved your post. Struggling with my moody teen daughter, loving her but wanting to give her a good shake, and my eighteen year old son, not yet moved out but on his way it's good to know I'm not on my own. xx

marit said...

Someone once said that raising a teenager is like trying to nail jelly to a tree...

Tracy said...

Oh, I laugh... and I shouldn't laugh, for I have no children so while I have no experience, I can imagine... Think of teenagedom as another phase, if that helps. ;o) Good luck...and hang in their. The teen are only a decoade. ;o) ((HUGS))

Rachael Rabbit said...

I thought children in general are a pretty good form of contraception ;-) I'm seriously not looking forward to the teenage years.

Marcia said...

Goodness, my oldest is only 12 and already I'm not loving it! Someone just tonight was telling me how lucky I am and while it's true, I did point out to her that while big kids can help more, little ones are much cuter!

rhubarbwhine said...

Where are you and why are you not back yet? Hope all is well, miss your posts!

raining sheep said...

This did make me laugh...because it is so true.