Monday, September 21, 2009

Look what I had done

I am smiling because despite the pain I am high on endorphins or what ever the heck the body pumps out to make you feel good. I feel invincible because I have overcome an almost crippling fear of needles. I have more excuses not to visit the dentist have a blood test, or get vaccinated than a dictionary has words. Even when ordered to have such things done I am pretty adept at wheedling my way out of it or at least delaying it in the hope of it being forgotten forever.

So I hadn't really considered ever having a tattoo. Never. It just wasn't on my radar. But Cute neighbour guy has lots. Both arms, chest and back, and they do look cute. So my perspective changed somewhat. Then we started talking and I realised that they were more than decorations they were declarations and I realised I wanted something that would be a physical symbol of all I had gone through and survived. I wanted it somewhere private where it wouldn't ever be on show unless I chose to do so.

I chose a dolphin because they symbolise joy and protection both of which I have a great need for in my life. I also think that my nature is quite dolphin like, I am quite a playful personality. I loved this design because it also embodies New Zealand's Maori culture which I have embraced fully.
Cute neighbour guy lied when I asked him if it hurt. He said it was just like being scratched.

I was scared and it hurt a lot. But I did it and I love it. Now I feel ready to tackle anything.

Finding me again

Some of you will have noticed from my comments on your blogs that my name has changed. I thought long and hard about whether it was worth the effort of reverting back to not my maiden name but my fahter's name which I took on in my twenties. After all, what's in name? Quite a lot it would appear. I needed to re-discover a time when I was strong and happy, a time when I felt I could do anything and problems were no more than minor hiccups in the fabric of daily living. I needed to feel that I was that person again and that meant shaking off a name I had never truly felt comfortable with.
I have taken that step and feel as though life is opening up with possibiliites again. I have also overcome a huge fear which I will post about soon. I just need to get the camera issues sorted so I can show you all the evidence.
Knitting progress will also follow. I have actually started on a second sock, a partner no less for a sock now sitting eagerly awaiting its match. This is further proof that changing your name can indeed lead to great things. Never before have I managed to knit two matching socks.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Thank you

for all your wonderful comments. I've cast on for a sleeveless hooded vest in the hope not having arms makes it a non sweater and therefore exempt from any possible universal curse vibes. Of course I know it's perfectly safe because the curse is aimed at boyfriends and cute neighbour guy and I are not yet at the point of being that closely linked, at least not to the rest of the world. Maybe at some point in the future who knows. I hope so. For now though we're just having fun, hanging out. The knitting is keeping me focused and busy that's for sure.